How can I say I wanna be friends with you when that was all we ever had been?
It feels like i have so much catching up to do with you
It feels like i have so much things to talk about with you
The things that cant be spoken online..
I just dont know where to start from..
But honest speaking, is there really anything left unspoken..
I wanna tell everything about me now
But every word might mean nothing to you
Completely useless phases..
I mean like why should I
Do I really wanna talk to you or am I just reminiscing the memoirs that we had together
Im writing as if we actually shared strong bonds together.
Believe me up until now i still wonder what would it feel like to actually have an hour talk with you face to face.
Not that kind of dreamy 3 minit talk,
Where our hearts goes racing too fast
Where our eyes try to avoid gazes because we are too shy
Where our voices become somewhat high pitch but yet still softly spoken
I need an hour convo with you irl just for the both of us.
Would that make any difference? Honestly?
Yet here i am thinking wouldnt it be nice to have a ldr
Connecting via online
When we meet once in awhile
We care for each other as if it was the first & the last time seeing each other again
Expressing the miss that we felt for each other
Honestly is there such thing as distance makes the heart grow fonder?
I was wondering... what took you so long to get in-touch with me
Why now?
Why not then?
Why is it when you are already seeing someone?
You really have the habit to show up whenever you want.. Dont you?
Well I talk as if i was so good and solely did good things to you, for you.
I guess i wasnt so great after-all.
I wanna be mad, get angry and what not
But on a second thought i think why should I
Do i really have the right to feel all of this?
Does this mean i still care?
Do you still care?
wait let me rephrase that
HAD YOU EVER CARED?
I just wish you fought for me a little harder.
I just wish you love me a little longer.
I just which that you care enough for me.
I guess you never did any of those, I was just being delusional and irrational.
Or maybe you did everything
You did fight for me
You did love a little harder and longer
You did care for me enough
I was too blind to see & too greedy for wanting more
It has been years and all you can say is remember when this remember when that..
What am i
You show up whenever you want
You dig memories i try to erase whenever you want
You must think you are the king to do what ever you want..
You think you are so powerful arent you?
I,
On the other hand am brushing everything off as if it werent so important...
Well i must say that im being a hypocrite
For a person to brush everything off as if it was nothing when in fact the box of us i still kept.
Why am I still holding onto something I shouldn't?
Pathetic I know
Coward I know
Im saying all of this as if i still care right.
Do i really care?
I dont know.
Why am I playing victim here?
I also dont know.
But honestly i cant deny one thing, you were indeed a part of me.
Yes, every single emotion was real
Well at least to me
You were there when I grow up
How could I ever move on from that?
I guess im always stuck in this emotional pain that i created for myself and by myself.
They say pain is temporary. Is that true?
You have the ability to be ahead of me for everything.
I wish success for you.
I wish happiness for you.
I wish all the good things in life will land to you.
I know at the beginning of this entry i had said that,
I dont know where to start..
But i actually know exactly where to start
It's just that we were apart with no modern tech,
I wish things would have been easier for us.
Maybe it has never been difficult
We are the ones who make it complicated
No let me rephrase that
I wish my ego isnt so much a pain in the $$$$.
With love, from Ara
xoxo
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